As a minister, I take abusive Christianity very personally. While I believe religion can be a beautiful thing, I must also confess the kind of Christianity we often witness in public is more likely to be a problem for humankind than a gift. Here are 9 of my least favorite clichés I hear from my Christian colleagues.
1. “GOD NEVER GIVES US MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE”
When someone is feeling crushed by life, it can be very difficult to honor their pain and fear. It might seem helpful to say, “God never gives us more than we can handle” but, to someone in pain, it can also feel like we Christians are more protective of our theology than of our wounded friend. Life isn’t always fair. Sometimes, people just need us to sit with them in their pain. We cannot do that and also try to paste their lives together with our own theological duct tape.
2. “HATE THE SIN, LOVE THE SINNER”
When Gandhi originally said this, I suspect he meant we should remember to love human beings no matter how painful their words or deeds might be. It is one thing to say ‘love the oppressor, hate the oppression,” but it is something else to say “love the LGBTQIA+ person, but hate their deepest emotions and loves.” That’s like saying “love the bird, hate the feathers.” Whenever we fall into inflexible abstract ethics about other people someone is about to get plucked.
3. “EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON”
When I first began working with survivors of sexual assault, I was astounded by the fact that almost all of them had been taught to blame themselves. It seems we would rather blame ourselves than accept the fact that much of life is outside our control. It is important to understand that life can be terribly unfair. It really doesn’t help a survivor of trauma to have to invent some kind of lesson their pain is supposed to be teaching them. A lifetime of ministry has convinced me that, while we can learn something from almost anything that happens to us, still, terrible things are not sent into our lives to teach us a lesson. Sometimes, bad things just happen.
4. “THE MIRACLES IN THE BIBLE PROVE THAT GOD EXISTS”
Many Christians roll their eyes when they hear the miracles described by other faiths. We should realize that it feels just as ridiculous when we use our own scripture as evidence for our beliefs. The biblical witnesses to Jesus’ resurrection are no more convincing to an outsider than are Odysseus’ shipmates that Poseidon rules the waves.
5. “BIBLICAL MARRIAGE”
The trope “Biblical marriage” is an incredibly dishonest cliché. The Bible has marriages that include rape, polygamy, impregnated slaves and the casting out of inconvenient wives and children. The lessons to be gathered from the various versions of “biblical marriage” are a.) that we must be very flexible when it comes to sexual ethics, and b.) that forcing one sexual code on everyone can be the spiritual equivalent of a gang rape.
6. “WE NEED TO PUT GOD BACK IN SCHOOLS”
The idea that God is letting school shootings happen because the religious right is not able to dominate the public sector is incredibly toxic. Again, if Jesus is to be believed, the heart of Christianity is being a good neighbor. It is an obvious fact of history that when ANY religion gains domination over a nation’s political structure it becomes deadly. Theocracy becomes deadly first for its enemies, then for its nation, and, ultimately, its cruelty cuts the heart of that religion itself.
7. USING “CHRISTIAN” AS A SYNONYM FOR “ETHICAL.” Religion is always risky business. Any form of Christianity that deems itself as good by definition will quickly fill up with narcissists whose praise of Jesus is actually a disguise for their own inflated egos and false sense of superiority.
8. “GOD MUST HAVE NEEDED A LITTLE ANGEL IN THE CHOIR…”
Some Christian funerals have the most brutal and cruel clichés one will ever hear. One of the most common clichés used in funerals is that God must have needed the deceased person for some purpose in heaven. It’s fine if adults want to say such things tongue and cheek, but, when there are grieving parents or bewildered siblings in the room we have to consider how the idea that God kills people to use them in heaven might complicate the grieving process for many left behind who loved them.
9. AND, FINALLY, “ANY PRAYER GIVEN IN THE NAME OF JESUS TO A MIXED CROWD”
Again, Jesus summarized his teachings as being a good neighbor. There is nothing Christlike about forcing Jesus on others. If Christian clergy’s compassion has not grown enough to include everyone in the room, they should not be leading a service in mixed company. Prayer requires consent. Clergy are not mature enough to lead community gatherings until their love is big enough to include Christian and non-Christian equally.